sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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