im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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