I could have mohawked her pubes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
