Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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