No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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