She is in my trunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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