i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
