I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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