Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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