HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
tell me about the fingering
Randomize