He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
