So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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