Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
