I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
