White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
