those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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