maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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