do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
