ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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