and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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