when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
