so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
