I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
