We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
