i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
