i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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