she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
