My friends, they love my intelligence
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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