If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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