even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
