I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
