I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
