You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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