just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
