I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
