The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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