guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
