I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i will never coherently bang her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
