OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
