I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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