i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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