I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
