There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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