you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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