Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
