Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
