She said her name was "party"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How does one acquire holy water?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
