I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
