he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
