Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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