You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
