i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
