I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
