Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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