peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize