woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
