Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
