hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I look better un-naked...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
