you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
