census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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