Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm too high and old for this...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize