Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I mean a good dj is a huge turn on

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(410): View more from Maryland

the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.

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(562): View more from California

tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

(714): View more from California

and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Don't tempt me, I need beer money.

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(706): View more from Georgia

She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat

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(678): View more from Georgia

i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.

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(928): View more from Arizona

The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.

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