Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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