i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
