i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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