dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i think i have herpe
just one?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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