I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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