I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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