They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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