thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
