Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
