i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
