god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
