i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
