do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
