I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
