Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
