I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
