chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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