yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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