Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
