Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
