he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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