I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
