Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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