I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
