I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
