I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
