you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize