I puked a lego.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
