What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize