Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
