so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
