I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
