i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
