who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
