Can Purell be used as lube?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
